Thriving in Parenthood

At the church I attend, the saying as of late has been, “Don’t just survive; thrive.” The saying is not only catchy, but it motivates me to apply to my life. As, I prepare for leading a moms’ group, I have to ask myself, “What does thriving as a mom mean?” To me it means that I have a mutual loving, respectful relationship with my children, which leads them to salvation with Christ. Well, that sounds great, but how do you achieve this? Since I have been an educator much longer than I have been a mom, my mind automatically switches to teacher-mode and how I positively discipline my students. In my classroom I have a behavior chart, where students can move their clip up or down depending on their behavior (good goes up and naughty goes down). At the end of the day, if they moved up they get a prize. If they go down more than twice, I contact their parents. I find giving students the opportunity to determine how their day goes motivates them and that having the opportunity to move throughout the day gives them the grace to learn from a mistake. So my next question is: How do parents positively discipline their children, especially during that toddler stage where rationalization hasn’t been obtained yet? In the past, the popular thinking was, “spare the rod, spoil the child,” which translated to, “spank the naughty out of them.” In my personal (childhood) life, that meant grabbing the closest object and start hitting. It didn’t matter where on the body as long as it was causing pain. In my house there was a wooden spoon that was broke while spanking my sister. So, having that background, you would think that I would be against spanking. However, I have to hold my parenting skills to what the Bible says - not what I experienced, or what was done in my house. The King James Version says, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” I like the way The Message communicates that same verse, “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” Proverbs 13:24 Wow, that’s powerfully different. To me, the KJV is discipline because we have to, where The Message is because I love you, I discipline you. As a parent my number-one priority is to “point my kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.” Proverbs 22:6 I am responsible for my children’s view on God. If I always discipline in a way that they never feel pain, sorrow, or anger then I am doing them a disservice. My mind goes to Jonah - I don’t think he was jumping up and down with joy when God allowed him to spend 3 days in the belly of a big fish. I think about when David lost his baby boy after committing adultery and murder. Then there was Moses, who followed God’s direction, but with anger in his heart, which resulted in not being able to go into the promise land - something that he was striving for and working toward for decades. The simple truth is that life is choices and choices have consequences. Good or bad, the choice is ours. **I’m not saying that any of the above consequences are child appropriate. They were grown men who made choices and they received the appropriate adult consequence for them. As parents we have to provide our children with consequences good and bad, and let our child’s behavior decide what they receive. If we don’t guide our children through this critical thinking process, we are setting them up for disaster in their adult life. Expectations for Discipline: 1. NEVER spank out of anger. If YOU need to take a time out to get your emotions under control, do it. Never make any quick irrational discipline decisions. 2. Spanking should be done 1-3 times per situation. 3. Spanking is a transition stage to other means of discipline. a. Time outs b. Sticker charts c. Allowances d. Privileges (video games, activities, friends) It is my desire to help moms be greater at their jobs. These are my personal beliefs that I have come to through years of Christian school, college courses, teaching in a variety of settings (dance classes, Sunday school, and elementary classrooms), and years of parenting. If you have any questions please feel free to comment!